I think I am morally bankrupt
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
