Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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