he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They have beer where we have blood.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
