I want to walk on stilts...naked
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
