as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
