I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
