Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
