3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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