my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
