I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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