I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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