Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
