If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
