He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
