i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
