I accidentally burped into my bong.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
