Your dad touched me again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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