I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
