Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
