It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Enjoy the penises
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
