you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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