Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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