they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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