I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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