the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's official drugs can't kill me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
