After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize