problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
