Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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