phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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