my soul wont recognize me after tonight
In America we eat man semen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
