so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
