I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
