Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
