Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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