I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
