I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
