got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Actions speak louder than pants.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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