i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
