You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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