the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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