So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
