I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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