capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
