im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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