I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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