if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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