I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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