I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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