I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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