every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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