I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
