If that was your dad, he is hot
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Randomize
