her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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