i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
