I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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