Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
