That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I believe in your delicious
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
