3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
