so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
