I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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