What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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