If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
